Life is hard After all, it kills you
by galileogalileigallifrey
Summary: Courtney leaves Duncan due to a bump in the road after the show has been finished for a year. Why? Because, she knew that was what fate would want. To slowly ruin their future.
1. It kills you

A/N: Okay. I always wondered what would happen after they left the island. Since my favorite characters are Courtney and *sigh* Duncan, I thought of something like this. I just haven't figured out what exactly is going to happen except for a few things. So. . . I hope you like it! On with the story!

Courtney POV

Hi, I'm Courtney. Most of you remember me from Total Drama Island, the famous reality show that practically put our life's at risk. Yes, that was me. It hasn't been that long since TDI was finished. Only five years. Even now people are wondering where I am now, as well as most of the cast. Well, to be truthful, I don't know. I feel like I'm more in Limbo than anywhere else. I guess you could say I'm lost, but I know that's not it. I know I'm somewhere, but it's blurry and undefined. I live life and you know what I learned? Life's not what you really think it is.

A/N: Sorry this is so short. My chapters are never this short, I make sure of that. But I simply wanted to see if anybody is interested in this. The summary will probably give more details than this chapter, but I found it necessary to include this. It gives kind of a background to Courtney. Oh and heads up, this has a happy ending, but probably not what you're going to expect. So review please!


	2. Losing it

A/N: Okay, here's chapter 2. It's more than the last chapter, which was more of an introduction. So here's the story! On with the story!

Courtney POV

"Emma? Emma, where are you?" I was freaking out. My four year old got lost just because I turned my head for two seconds. I loved my daughter to death, not only because she is sweet and caring, but because she is the only thing I have left now. Things really screwed up for me after TDI was over. I lost my only love, but you could say it was my fault.

"Emma! Where are you." I was near tears and I felt like the only part of the world I had left was crumbling before my eyes. I knew what happened to that little boy almost thirty years ago. They only found his head. They finally officially closed the case. I was worried that my daughter would be a similar case. I didn't need her for comfort, I needed her because she was the only thing I truly love and care about. That's only half the truth.

"Mommy? Where are you?" I let out a cry of joy when I heard my baby and I ran to her. I immediately stopped when I saw who she was with.

_Him._

I prayed that he didn't remember me, but then I realized that he couldn't. I completely changed when . . . _it _. . . happened. My hair was long a black. I had it with a similar Mohawk to his, except mine was ice blue. _Just like his eyes. _I knew there was no possible way he could remember me, so I acted grateful and thanked him.

"Thank you sir!"

"It's no problem really. I found her crying and she told me what happened, described you and I helped her. I'm just glad you found her." He gave me a warm smile and I almost gave a second thought about who this man was. This couldn't be the same man I knew five years ago. He was rude and obnoxious at times. Although he was sweet to me, he acted just the same a lot of the time as well.

"Thank you . . ." I already knew his name, but _I _wasn't supposed to.

"You can call me Duncan. And your name is?" I knew I wasn't going to tell him my real name, so I decided to say my middle name.

"I'm Elizabeth."

"Well, Elizabeth, I hope I will see you later." He smiled at me one last time and left.

I hope you don't.

_3 months later . . . _

_*Ding Dong!*_

"I'm coming!" It's been 3 months since I last saw him. I never saw or heard from him again. I was actually relieved, but somehow, deep down inside, I wanted him to come back. I opened the door only to see . . .

A/N: MUHAHAHAHAHA! Huge cliffy! Aren't I nice? Well for future readers, they won't have to suffer. They just have to go to the next chapter. (That is, if I have it up yet.) So I hoped you liked it. Okay, I still make longer chappies than this, but pity me. It's 11:13 as I write this. I still have to do homework (because I'm a procrastinator. J) and I'm going to be really tired in the morning. Ugh. So I just wanted to get this posted up so I could do my homework and go to bed. So. . . Until later!


	3. Letters

A/N: Sorry about the cliffhanger! Well here's the next chapter! Oh and review please! So. . . On with the story!

Courtney POV

Crap! Does he remember me? I mean he should. We were on the same team. But what if his doesn't? Ugh, just stop with the thoughts and see what he wants already!

"Um. . . How can I help you?"

"Hello. My name is D.J. I'm here to inform you about Duncan."

"What?"

"Well, when he was enlisted he put you down as someone to contact if he went missing or died." Oh crap! He did remember me! Wait, did he say died?

"He's. . . dead?" D.J. looked taken aback as I said that.

"No! Ms. Elizabeth, he is just lost. No one can find him and if we can't find him in a week, we have to pronounce him dead." Did he just call me "Ms. Elizabeth"? So maybe he doesn't remember me. Hold on. Duncan's missing! Wait, I don't care. I shouldn't care. Obviously I had blanked out because D.J. kept asking me if I was alright.

"No, D.J., I'm not."

"Look, it's alright to be sad. I take he was very close to you. He was close to me too."

"I know." I whispered. I looked up to see a strange expression on his face.

"How. . . How do you know?" He looked me over and gasped.

"Courtney! What. . . How. . . Why?"

"I. . . don't know anymore." I broke down into tears. D.J. wrapped me into a warm hug and my sobs started to die down. Then I heard little footsteps come towards us. I didn't want D.J. to know about Emma, but what could I do? She must have just gotten up from her nap because she was rubbing her eyes and as she spoke, you could her the sleep resting in her voice.

"Mama, what's going on? Whose this?" She pointed to D.J. and he gave me a puzzled look. When he looked Emma over, realization flooded his face.

"She. . . She looks just like Duncan. She's. . ." I nodded my head and looked down. I wasn't proud of what I've done, but there's no use now.

"Why didn't you ever tell him?" I held up a finger and looked towards Emma.

"Baby, could you go upstairs and play. The grownups need to talk, okay."

She smiled at me and nodded her head. She ran back up to her bedroom and when I heard her door shut, I turned back to D.J.

"I couldn't. I knew he didn't like children."

"He told you that?"

"No. I could just sense it. He wasn't really kind to children. He acted annoyed whenever he was around children."

"Courtney, he was wreck when you left without a second glance. You didn't even tell him! You just left!"

"Yeah, well, he would have just left me as soon as he figured it out."

"Courtney. . . I can't tell you, but there's always another side to the story. I think you should heard Duncan's side."

"How? He's lost!"

"Yes, but he did write letters to you. He just never had the courage to send them to you."

"How am I supposed to get them. Knowing Duncan, he probably hid them or something."

"He did. But I knew where he hid them. I have them right here." He pulled out a huge stack of envelopes that were yellow in color due to sitting without being open. He handed them to me and I eyed them suspiciously.

"He wrote one every day for about a year. He finally gave up and stopped writing. I really think you should read them."

"Why? What if the hold bad things? The horrible truth?"

"You just need to. It could help with what has recently happened. He said he would never scold you, even in a note. So I could only suspect that he was kind in his letter. Goodbye Courtney." He was now standing and heading towards the door.

"But-" He cut me off and waved goodbye and left. I stood at the door for a while before I finally sat back down on the couch and opened the first letter.

_Dear Courtney,_

_Let me start by saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry for whatever I did to you to make you leave me. Even if you never come back to my awaiting arms, I will always love you. I hope you are living life. Deep down, I don't want you to be happy, to be in the arms of another man, but I must not be selfish. I want what's best for you and I don't believe that's me anymore. I also wanted to tell you I was enlisted. They haven't sent for me yet, but I know one day they will. Maybe we'll see each other again before that day. I wouldn't care if I couldn't recognize you or that you wouldn't recognize me. I would be f_or _ever grateful just to be in your presence. Great, now I'm going soft. But I guess that's what happens eventually. Without you in my life, I feel empty. As if I'm missing that last piece to the puzzle. Remember that I will always love you._

_Love,_

_Duncan_

By the time I finished the letter, tears were steaming down my face. I read many more letters, but they were basically the same except with new information. Sometimes he would talk about dating someone else, but then he would feel guilty and unfaithful. On and on, the letters went, and on and on, the tears came down harder and faster. I was crying so much, my breaths came out in greedy gulps for air. I heard Emma padding down the stairs and I tried to wipe away the tears, but when I looked in the mirror, my face was stained red and blotchy. There was no way to hide this.

"Mommy, what's wrong?" My daughter wore a worried expression, so I decided to lie to make her feel better.

"Nothing, dear. I was just watching a very sad show before you came down."

"Okay! Whatcha wanna do?" I looked at her to see her wearing a reassured smile and I gave her one too.

"How about we get ready and go to the movies and then we'll get something to eat."

"Yay!" She pranced up the stairs and I let my head fall back. I would do anything to get my mind off him.

A/N: Okay! I might put more letters in but I'm not sure. It might confuse you. Please, please, please review! I only have 1 review! I just want to know what you think about the story. Well anyway, bye!


	4. Homecoming

A/N: Here's chapter 3! I think. Um. . . I don't know what to say so. . . On with the story!

Courtney POV

We watched Hannah Montana (A/N: Ew! I hate Hannah Montana) and ate at McDonald's. I had just put Emma to bed and I went back downstairs. I picked up the mail that had been laying on the table all day. Most of them was junk mail, but one had no return address, surprisingly. I opened it and found the same scrawled writing I had read over and over hours earlier.

_Dear Courtney,_

_They came for me. Yes I had been enlisted, but I guess you wouldn't know that. Well now I've been drafted. I handed them this letter and they asked me for the address. The sad thing is, I don't know your address. I told them who it was for and they told me they would try their best. I wanted to tell you that I met a woman not long ago. Her name is Elizabeth and she had a daughter. She looked a lot like me, the daughter that is. But the mother was my type, well my second type. You will always be the only one for me but I know I need to move on. But I guess the reason I chose her is because she reminds me so much of you. I also wanted to tell you that I wrote you letters. I promise that as soon as I get out of here I'll give them to you. They are rightfully yours. Until then,_

_Love, I mean Sincerely,_

_Duncan_

I finished the letter and started crying again. I knew he would never come back, but my heart filled with joy when I heard that he loved me and Elizabeth. I just wish he really knew his daughter.

_2 weeks later. . . _

"Emma! Can you get the door?" I had been working in the garden when the doorbell rang.

Duncan POV

I finally made my way back home. They gave me the address to Courtney's house and D.J. had tried to tell me something, but I didn't give him the chance.

"Nothing is important right now. All that's important right now is giving Courtney what's rightfully hers." That's what I had said. Now I was approaching her house. I rang the doorbell to a two story house with bushes, shrubs, and flowers surrounding it. I heard someone yell to someone else and then the door opened. I looked down to see the little girl I had seen weeks before.

"Is your mom home?" I was wondering what was wrong. I thought they had gave me the address to Courtney's house, not Elizabeth's.

"Yeah!" She gave me a big smile and went to get her mom. I heard a woman's voice asking what was so important that she had to be at the door right now.

"Come on mommy!" She laughed and just nodded her head. I saw the ice blue hair and I knew that something was up. She looked at me and froze. Her face was horror-stricken and she looked me up and down.

"No. This-this can't be happening."

"I'm sorry Elizabeth. I thought this was someone else's house." I felt a small tug on my pants and I looked down to see Emma looking at me. I bent down and she looked at me. She touched my face and ran her fingers through my hair. I watched as she looked me over, touching my face, hands, and legs. She looked back up at me.

"Are you my daddy?" Elizabeth let out a frightened squeak. I turned my gaze upwards at Elizabeth. Emma pulled at my hand and I looked at her again.

"What do you mean sweetie?"

"You look just like me, I look just like you. Are you my daddy?" Again I looked at Elizabeth, but this time I saw something different.

"Courtney?"

A/N: Okay! End of chapter. . . Well you know which chapter it is! Review please!


	5. Breakdowns and Denial

A/N: I'm so sorry that it took me forever to update! Please forgive me! I've been so busy working on my other stories, so it's been really hard to work on this chapter. Well I'll let you read since I already delayed you enough!

Courtney POV

I started stuttering.

"W-w-what do y-y-you m-mean? W-who is-s C-court-t-ney-y?"

"Courtney?" He repeated. He stared at me for the longest time and then looked back at Emma.

"Sweetheart, I think you need to go back inside." Woah. When he said he had changed, he wasn't kidding.

"Okay." She started swinging her arms around and skipped back inside. Duncan had been watching her as she went in the house. As soon as she was inside the house, he turned back around to face me.

"Courtney." He sighed.

Duncan POV

Emma skipped inside and I hesitated to turn around. When I did, I looked up at Courtney.

"Courtney." I don't know what I did, but she immediately started crying. I wrapped my arms around her, trying to console her, but it wasn't working.

"Why did you lie to me?" Her body went rigid and I knew I had said something wrong.

Courtney POV

"I didn't lie."

"What do you mean you didn't lie? You didn't tell me about Emma, about your new appearance, or the fact that you told me your name was Elizabeth!"

"Emma's not your child."

"Are you serious?" He let go of me and I couldn't bear to look him in the eye.

"Look me in the eye and tell me that's not my child. Do it!" I didn't lift my head and I heard him sigh in frustration.

"Courtney, just admit that Emma's my daughter."

"She's not." I whispered. He grabbed my shoulders and held my face so I couldn't look away.

"Look at me. Look at me!" I had started squirming and my eyes were darting around nervously. They finally rested on his eyes. They held so many emotions that it became overwhelming. Grief, pain, and _love?_ I fell limp in his grip and he quickly grabbed hold of me. Once again, I began crying until sobs racked my body and visibly shaking all over. Duncan picked me up, shaking him as he carried me up the stairs and to my bedroom. I tried changing into something more comfortable, but ended up falling over from all the pressure put on me. Duncan came over and helped me change. He once again picked me back up and put me in my bed. He went out of the room, probably to check on Emma, or I was hoping. He came back in and whispered in my ear.

"I'll be in the guest room if you need me." I started whimpering, my hands reaching for him. He chuckled and shook his head.

"I'm not that child's father. I have no reason to be with you." I started crying again. I cried myself into a deep slumber that was soon interrupted by nightmares.

_I stood over the grave, my body shaking from all they crying and grief. I looked at headstone. The name only made it worst._

_Emily Danielle Armstrong_

_Born- May 20, 2009_

_Died- April 27, 2013_

_I held back another sob as my body shook once more. What was even worse was the headstone next to it. There was only one thing on that particular headstone that made me fall to my knees. Duncan._

I woke up in a cold sweat. I looked at the clock. 1:17. Great. I knew there was no way I would be able to get back to sleep. Unless. . .

I quietly got out of the bed and crept down the hallway. I found the door I was looking for and tiptoed in there. I searched around for the bed and finally found it, after successfully stubbing my toe. I climbed in and snuggled close to him. I put my mouth up to his ear and whispered the words I knew he wanted to hear.

"You are the father. Always have been, always will be. And I love you." I knew he wasn't asleep. I knew it when I had come in. His piercing ice blue eyes had given him away has the light from the hallway shone on them.

He turned around, kissed me and against our kiss he said, "Took you long enough."

A/N: Again, sorry it took so long! I want to stop there and end the story, but I'm not sure if anybody else would want me to continue. Tell me if you want more! After a few days, I'll either continue or mark it as complete based on the reviews. Bye! Thanks for reading!


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